TEARS FOR A LIFETIME (EPISODE 8): HOW COULD SOMETHING SO WRONG FEEL RIGHT ?
The fear that came over me was overwhelming. I thought it was Aunty Toyosi. I already imagined all the different ways that I could be swallowed up by the ground… all in a split second. Then I heard ‘Uncle Jide?’ It was Kemi. I took my first breath in seconds. He released me. ‘Kemi baby! Come and get your own hug.’ that was how he covered up the entire situation. She laughed out loud and went to him. That was how he covered up the entire situation. While he was hugging Kemi, he mouthed ‘later’ to me and I understood.
That night, Kemi did not want to sleep. She was extremely chatty. All efforts to get her into bed proved impossible. To top it off, she had relaxed comfortably on my bed and she didn’t seem like she was going to her room anytime soon. Of course, I couldn’t send her out of my room so I endured. When it was 9pm, I eventually put my foot down and sent her to bed grumbling. I was surprised that Jide had not checked in on us. The last time I saw him was at 7pm for dinner. I had to make sure that Kemi had fallen asleep. I left her in my room and I went to Jide’s room.
When I got there, I knocked and he opened up and dragged me in. ‘Why did it take you so long to come here? I’ve been waiting since. You didn’t want to see me right? Say something, I’m talking you!’ He was twisting my right hand. ‘No, Jide. It’s not like that. I had to stay with Kemi until she fell asleep. Ouch. It’s not that I didn’t want to come, I couldn’t leave her alone.’ He released my hand. ‘Why not? You care for her more than you do for me right?’ I was confused as to why he was so angry.
‘Jide, she’s my baby sister. I couldn’t leave her when she wanted to stay with me’ He flared up. ‘Oh, really? So, who am I to you then?’ ‘Jide, I don’t understand’ ‘I said, who am I to you? You left me alone so you could care for Kemi. WHAT AM I TO YOU?’ I didn’t know what to say. ’I love you. I didn’t do that to make you angry. I just thought it would be better if Kemi fell asleep so she wouldn’t walk in like she did this morning. That’s all’.
He kept silent and then he said ‘Come here.’ I was shaking with fear. He said, ‘Are you scared of me? Please, don’t be scared my baby. I won’t hurt you. I hate to see you cry. I just don’t like to think that you care more about anyone else than me when I love you so much.’ He begged and begged until I calmed down.
I spent the night with him and throughout the time before, I was so scared. I thought it was going to hurt as bad as the first time but it didn’t. He was gentle, he was caring and he was sweet. He paid attention to me. I was sure that I was on cloud nine. For me, there could be no other. I told myself that I was completely meant for him and him for me until I believed it with everything in me. But I was only thirteen. What could I possibly know about love or about connections or about fate? What?
When I think about those days; I’m so disgusted with myself, I could throw up. How could something so ugly feel beautiful? How could something so wrong feel right? How? If only there were someone to save me from myself. If only. If only. Oh, but I was to pay with everything that I had and so much more.
Click here to read the next episode •••>> "http://lovedoctorkollar.blogspot.com.ng/2017/02/tears-for-lifetime-episode-9-monkey-dey.html"
The fear that came over me was overwhelming. I thought it was Aunty Toyosi. I already imagined all the different ways that I could be swallowed up by the ground… all in a split second. Then I heard ‘Uncle Jide?’ It was Kemi. I took my first breath in seconds. He released me. ‘Kemi baby! Come and get your own hug.’ that was how he covered up the entire situation. She laughed out loud and went to him. That was how he covered up the entire situation. While he was hugging Kemi, he mouthed ‘later’ to me and I understood.
That night, Kemi did not want to sleep. She was extremely chatty. All efforts to get her into bed proved impossible. To top it off, she had relaxed comfortably on my bed and she didn’t seem like she was going to her room anytime soon. Of course, I couldn’t send her out of my room so I endured. When it was 9pm, I eventually put my foot down and sent her to bed grumbling. I was surprised that Jide had not checked in on us. The last time I saw him was at 7pm for dinner. I had to make sure that Kemi had fallen asleep. I left her in my room and I went to Jide’s room.
When I got there, I knocked and he opened up and dragged me in. ‘Why did it take you so long to come here? I’ve been waiting since. You didn’t want to see me right? Say something, I’m talking you!’ He was twisting my right hand. ‘No, Jide. It’s not like that. I had to stay with Kemi until she fell asleep. Ouch. It’s not that I didn’t want to come, I couldn’t leave her alone.’ He released my hand. ‘Why not? You care for her more than you do for me right?’ I was confused as to why he was so angry.
‘Jide, she’s my baby sister. I couldn’t leave her when she wanted to stay with me’ He flared up. ‘Oh, really? So, who am I to you then?’ ‘Jide, I don’t understand’ ‘I said, who am I to you? You left me alone so you could care for Kemi. WHAT AM I TO YOU?’ I didn’t know what to say. ’I love you. I didn’t do that to make you angry. I just thought it would be better if Kemi fell asleep so she wouldn’t walk in like she did this morning. That’s all’.
He kept silent and then he said ‘Come here.’ I was shaking with fear. He said, ‘Are you scared of me? Please, don’t be scared my baby. I won’t hurt you. I hate to see you cry. I just don’t like to think that you care more about anyone else than me when I love you so much.’ He begged and begged until I calmed down.
I spent the night with him and throughout the time before, I was so scared. I thought it was going to hurt as bad as the first time but it didn’t. He was gentle, he was caring and he was sweet. He paid attention to me. I was sure that I was on cloud nine. For me, there could be no other. I told myself that I was completely meant for him and him for me until I believed it with everything in me. But I was only thirteen. What could I possibly know about love or about connections or about fate? What?
When I think about those days; I’m so disgusted with myself, I could throw up. How could something so ugly feel beautiful? How could something so wrong feel right? How? If only there were someone to save me from myself. If only. If only. Oh, but I was to pay with everything that I had and so much more.
Click here to read the next episode •••>> "http://lovedoctorkollar.blogspot.com.ng/2017/02/tears-for-lifetime-episode-9-monkey-dey.html"
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